Musings: The Fraud Police

A couple months ago I read Amanda Palmer's The Art of Asking (which, if you haven't read you should get on that). In it she talks about this idea that is not new to anyone, but she defines in a way that all of us can understand -- the Fraud Police, a looming entity ready to catch us when we're trying to be adults. “The Fraud Police are the imaginary, terrifying force of 'real' grown-ups who you believe - at some subconscious level - are going to come knocking on your door in the middle of the night, saying: We've been watching you, and we have evidence that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING. You stand accused of the crime of completely winging it, you are guilty of making shit up as you go along, you do not actually deserve your job, we are taking everything away and we are TELLING EVERYBODY.” 

I waitressed summers in college. As you can probably imagine, I was a very unprofessional and silly waitress. One time I accidentally pit my entire pinky in someone's beer when I went to put it on the table (they didn't notice so I ran away before anyone called me out). Another time there was a couple clearly on a date. I was putting candles on all the tables and when I got to theirs I presented it with a "ta-daaaaa" before running away (clearly this was my move). I would constantly ask "who let me do this? who gave me this job?" But I still ask that now. 

I often feel this way. When I'm sitting at my job, filing taxes, paying bills, etc. I still haven't grown out of the feeling that someone is going to tell me "we need to call your parents, because you are obviously NOT allowed to file your own taxes." (Fun story: I actually filed my taxes into the wrong back account and for two terrifying weeks I thought I lost my tax refund forever. Turns out I put my dad's bank account number instead of mine and had to call him to give me my refund...thanks dad). Part of me thinks this is probably an indication that I have some maturing to do, but another part of me realizes it may never end. Will I get this feeling when I'm married? Have kids? Have a house with a mortgage to pay? Will I constantly be wondering when the Fraud Police are going to show up my door saying "ma'am, we see that you claim to be a homeowner, but I totally just saw you eat off a fork and put it back in the drawer. We're going to have to seize your house now and you're coming with us." All of that being said, I relish in the idea that I don't take myself too seriously, therefore cannot be considered a true "adult."  

Note: I decided to include a photo of me definitely not being an adult. A couple months ago a few friends and I rented a house boat through airbnb. It came with two one-person kayaks. Naturally, I convinced the four of us to pile into the two kayaks, with a couple cans of lime-a-ritas, in our clothes and paddle around Tom's River. There was not easy place to get into the kayaks so we went to jetty and lowered ourselves several feet down into the precarious vessels. They quickly filled up with water because of the weight, but we decided to go for it anyway. ANDDDD we almost capsized. I'm surprised the Fraud Police we're waiting for us on the shore when we got back to land. Or the real police, because you know...open containers.