Pay it forward

This morning, in a mad rush to leave the house on time, I left my wallet on the table. I got down to the bus stop and caught the bus, which was ten minutes early. I realized as I was frantically riffling through my purse that I had left my wallet at home. The bus driver was getting exasperated and told me to find a seat and get myself together. I sat down next to an older lady, whose two friends were sitting across the aisle. As I scrounged through the bottom of my purse to locate any lazy thrown in dollars and precious quarters, she mentioned she had overheard my conversation with the bus driver (I’m pretty sure most of the bus did) and offered to help. I had almost enough for the bus, but I was a dollar and twenty-five cents short. She gave it to me without hesitation.

            It was a strange moment for me because I was in the position where I was forced to take it. I was too far from home to go back, get my wallet and make it to work on time. I begrudgingly accepted her help, not because I didn’t want it, but because I felt ashamed that I needed it. I gave the money to the driver and returned to my seat. When I sat back down she asked me how I was going to get home later. I hadn’t thought that far…I didn’t know how I would get home. I told her I would figure it out, because in my moment of calm I knew it would work out. She offered my a couple dollars to get home, but I couldn’t accept it – she had done more than enough already.

            I thanked her profusely and she simply tapped my leg and said in a grandmotherly way, “it happens to everyone.” We sat the rest of the bus ride in silence. For once I didn’t read a book, text on my phone or listen to my iPod. I simply sat in the glow of kindness that the selfless woman next to me emanated. When we were leaving the bus I thanked her again, I needed her to know what a difference she made in my day. She sincerely said, “it’s ok, just pay it forward. You know what that is, don’t you?” I nodded. After we exited the bus one of her friends tried to hand me five dollars saying, “if you don’t use it someone else will.” I wouldn’t take it, but thanked them again and told them to have a nice day.

            On my way to work I was wide-eyed looking for ways I could help other people, to pass on the kindness I had received. I found that people were not willing to accept any amount of kindness because often times it seems to come at a cost. Hopefully I’ll be able to find a way to pay it forward and help someone else out in a moment when they really need it. Until then, I will settle on making eye contact whenever possible, staying off my phone in public, holding the door and smiling when people look at me. While I will be looking for a big way to spread kindness, I think the little things might start to add up.