Musings: The Fraud Police

A couple months ago I read Amanda Palmer's The Art of Asking (which, if you haven't read you should get on that). In it she talks about this idea that is not new to anyone, but she defines in a way that all of us can understand -- the Fraud Police, a looming entity ready to catch us when we're trying to be adults. “The Fraud Police are the imaginary, terrifying force of 'real' grown-ups who you believe - at some subconscious level - are going to come knocking on your door in the middle of the night, saying: We've been watching you, and we have evidence that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING. You stand accused of the crime of completely winging it, you are guilty of making shit up as you go along, you do not actually deserve your job, we are taking everything away and we are TELLING EVERYBODY.” 

I waitressed summers in college. As you can probably imagine, I was a very unprofessional and silly waitress. One time I accidentally pit my entire pinky in someone's beer when I went to put it on the table (they didn't notice so I ran away before anyone called me out). Another time there was a couple clearly on a date. I was putting candles on all the tables and when I got to theirs I presented it with a "ta-daaaaa" before running away (clearly this was my move). I would constantly ask "who let me do this? who gave me this job?" But I still ask that now. 

I often feel this way. When I'm sitting at my job, filing taxes, paying bills, etc. I still haven't grown out of the feeling that someone is going to tell me "we need to call your parents, because you are obviously NOT allowed to file your own taxes." (Fun story: I actually filed my taxes into the wrong back account and for two terrifying weeks I thought I lost my tax refund forever. Turns out I put my dad's bank account number instead of mine and had to call him to give me my refund...thanks dad). Part of me thinks this is probably an indication that I have some maturing to do, but another part of me realizes it may never end. Will I get this feeling when I'm married? Have kids? Have a house with a mortgage to pay? Will I constantly be wondering when the Fraud Police are going to show up my door saying "ma'am, we see that you claim to be a homeowner, but I totally just saw you eat off a fork and put it back in the drawer. We're going to have to seize your house now and you're coming with us." All of that being said, I relish in the idea that I don't take myself too seriously, therefore cannot be considered a true "adult."  

Note: I decided to include a photo of me definitely not being an adult. A couple months ago a few friends and I rented a house boat through airbnb. It came with two one-person kayaks. Naturally, I convinced the four of us to pile into the two kayaks, with a couple cans of lime-a-ritas, in our clothes and paddle around Tom's River. There was not easy place to get into the kayaks so we went to jetty and lowered ourselves several feet down into the precarious vessels. They quickly filled up with water because of the weight, but we decided to go for it anyway. ANDDDD we almost capsized. I'm surprised the Fraud Police we're waiting for us on the shore when we got back to land. Or the real police, because you know...open containers.

Throwback

I found this unpublished post in the draft section of my blog. I thought I would share it because it shows how far I've come in two years. When I wrote this post I was dyeing my hair all sorts of crazy colors, running around Brooklyn and getting ready for my last year of college. It shows my nervousness about where I would be after college. Well I never thought I would be living in Philadelphia, working at an architecture firm and planning my future. I no longer have that bike or that hair. In a way I am so far removed from that person, but I also share a lot of the same hesitancy and hope for the future. I'm in the process of making some pretty big changes in my life (more on that later) and I feel like I still have all the same questions that I had the summer before senior year. 

1 & 2. Playing around on my balcony in Brooklyn with Katherine and Nanu

3. Changing up my hair color

4. Lunch in Brooklyn with Katherine at s'Nice

5. My new bike

Summer is coming to an end, but I'm not going to accept that willingly. I still have another week before I start my final year at school. Though I'm trying to not shit a brick about life after college, I'm excited for all the things this year will have in store! I'm looking forward to ending summer right - that means picnics, bike rides (check out my new bike), belly-showing crop tops, late-nights, and hopefully at least one more trip to the beach. Speaking of crop tops, how cool is this one from American Apparel? Katherine got it for free while she was working there because it was actually printed upside down. We both agree we like it better this way. She ended up giving it to me because she knew I would wear it more and I have been!

While I am sad that summer is coming to an end, I keep repeating the mantra "change is good," (like in the case of my purple hair). There are a lot of things I'll be giving up, but in exchange for new and exciting things!

Poconos Part 2

Here are the pictures from the second annual Poconos weekend. It was all about the shenanigans — drinking, laughing, singing and being silly. Swapping clothes here and there, dressing up like goons. Giant group meals and tons of snacks. We all piled into the back of a pick up truck and spent Saturday afternoon hiking near Lake Wallpaupack (aka the location of the Booze cruise on the office). We set up a picnic with fruit, cheese, wine and bread on the water's edge and skipped stones. I stripped down, but didn't go in — the water was ICE COLD. That probably shouldn't be surprising, you know...given that it's November. It's always the best feeling when you can get a large group of people together and have the weekend go off without a hitch. Can't wait for next year!

Gloomy

Pants: Wildfox. shirt: h&m, moccassins: Minnetonka

I'm home sick on this gloomy dat. Got on my Saturday pants (a term I read recently that I love so much) and started binge-watching Master of None in between naps. Lots of tea, lots of ramen. Honestly, being sick is a good thing sometimes. I find that I push myself a little too hard and being sick gives me an excuse to press the pause button. Stay tuned for my photos from my weekend trip to the Poconos! It's definitely the reason I'm sick, that's ok though...worth it!

Storm King Art Center

More pictures from my trip to Storm King Art Center this past weekend. Seriously, could anything be more beautiful? I was working on a project with the help of my friends, which was the perfect excuse to go! The bright light just made everything look so ethereal. The drive up was gorgeous with all of the leaves changing. The perfect way to spend the morning — running around Storm King, flowers in hand.

Halloweekend

I have to say, I love Halloween weekend (Halloweekend). I always welcome the opportunity to dress up. This year Chloe and I decided to go to my hometown of Montclair, NJ for a couple days. It was nice to catch up with my parents. It's always funny being home now that I'm an adult and asking my dad if he can drive us to the bar. On Friday I went as the Log Lady (RIP) and Chloe as dead Laura Palmer. We were surprisingly recognized by people at the bar we went to! Hilariously I looked so different with a wig and glasses on that one of my good friends didn't even recognize me. On Saturday we woke up early to drive to Storm King, an outdoor sculpture garden just over the border in New York State. I included a couple photos here, but I have more coming up! It was the perfect weather and we were constantly yelling about how gorgeous everything was. We got back on Saturday with just enough time to take a little disco nap, with Heathers on in the background. We dressed as Veronica Sawyer from Heathers, pre and post explosion. It was a costume that we had to explain to most people, but those who got it were stoked about it. We went to a party in Bushwick, croquet mallets in tow, saying our favorite lines from the movie: "what's your damage?" and "how very." What'd you all dress as?